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Hi there.

If you came over to my house, I'd make you a smoothie or a nut milk latte of some sort. I'd give you a cookie, we'd curl up in bean bags, and we'd chat.

I shoot for that kind of vibe here and in my courses...where you feel heard, nourished, loved.

On Kate.

On Kate.

image via Getty Images

image via Getty Images

My sister texted me the news about Kate Spade. Without even Googling or looking at the clock (it was 6:30 am), I called my friend who works for and adores Kate Spade. Her sobbing was my answer. After a bit, she said, I know there’s a lesson in this, but I can’t figure it out. She had everything... even New York... and she still wasn’t happy. 

I couldn’t stop thinking about Kate’s daughter. I had just listened to a podcast about how she and her husband had built their businesses together and how much they centered decisions around the love of their daughter...

And then my mind went to the article I’d read by Caroline Adams Miller after listening to her interview on The Good Life Project podcast. She says that for the first time, mid-life women are the largest group of women dying from diseases of despair... that includes eating disorders, drug and alcohol addictions and depression. That article was the catalyst for creating my course on Getting to the Heart of You, to help women get to the heart of their stories and define their own version of happiness.

Because, it’s not easy, no matter who you are or what circumstances you face. Mid-life can bring a sometimes difficult wide open space.

There are decisions to be made, sometimes for the first time in your life, about what you’d like to make of your life. Which can feel heavy and overwhelming and selfish and just too much. So we stifle and set aside all those thoughts and keep doing what we’ve been doing. But the thoughts keep swirling...

My course isn’t about dealing with depression. I have no idea what Kate was or anyone else is dealing with within. After hearing the way “healthy” women who've taken the course talk to themselves, I know none of us are immune to self-doubt, fear, and worry, especially in this age where we’re blessed and perplexed with the privilege and the pressure of being able to create whatever life we want.

We used to be bombarded with celebrities and superstars doing extraordinary things. I didn’t feel as persuaded or compelled to live like them because their world felt very different from my own.

Now, even us ordinary people are expected to save the world, pour our heart out, build a business, be a Mom, travel the world, eat green, be strong, bendy and wrap up every moment of it in a pretty picture and a perfect caption. And if we’re not, it can feel like we’re not doing, or worse, caring enough.

It’s a unique time... an important time to go within and re-connect with what feels right in our heart, for our spirit. It takes tools, support and constant reminders that we are quite possibly doing enough doing what we’re already doing and that despite all the isolating stories we have swirling, we are never, ever alone.

Even though I try very hard to practice the tools that work for me: meditation, movement, morning pages, I still struggle with what to do with the rest of my life. I try things... but it can feel like no one’s interested in what I’m saying or offering. Kate’s news is the catalyst to keep doing what feels right in my heart - simply because I care so deeply about this.

We can not have mid-life (or any) women (or humans) feeling this way. We can never have too many spaces to express ourselves, to ask ourselves questions we don’t ask every day, the ones that delve deeper than surface chit-chat.

It’s a shame Kate’s husband had to put thoughts together the day after his wife’s death to clarify assumptions and judgments. But, hearing his words was helpful.

The lessons I’m taking from this sadness are age-old ones: you never know the stories people are carrying, and to never make assumptions.

And if you need to chat... about anything, send me a note. I’ll listen.

 

I learned a new word. It might save your life.

I learned a new word. It might save your life.

22 things. When you think you’re not doing enough, try this.

22 things. When you think you’re not doing enough, try this.